Welcoming the New Year...

"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different."
-Coco Chanel

The first year I had my own classroom was a refreshing experience. It was my haven, and gave me the opportunity to be the kind of teacher I had wanted to be. I was still a fresh sponge that had absorbed brilliant ideas from a talented master teacher, Lindsey. To say the least, I was exorbitantly excited to venture out on my journey as an educator. I was fresh-faced, eager, and green! However, in many ways I feel that I was truer to myself the first year that I taught. I was the 7th grade homeroom teacher and taught history and theology. It was amazing teaching the subjects that I was fascinated by. This fascination allowed my passion and enthusiasm to burn through my day to day lessons. The sky was the limit and my students even built mosques, pyramids, and debated on ratifying the constitution.

This first year gave me the self assurance that I was good at what I did, but now looking back I realize that perhaps my true self has been lost. Teaching is a messy world I have discovered. A world in which the older generation of teachers think they are correct and expect you to conform, even if that means giving up your own teaching practice. I have been looking at my practice more the closer we approach the new year and have found that I am tired of being a drone. I am tired of following suit because everyone else does. There is no point in being a door mat and it is sad that educators let themselves be negatively influenced by their surroundings.

Don't get me wrong, in no way am I trying to preach to the choir; in many ways I am performing therapy on myself and taking you along for the ride. I am guilty! I have lost my true practice in the jumble of insecurity that has become my life. I have stopped doing fun activities because my class is supposed to be QUIET. I like order and rules but come on, who the heck expects that learning is best done only when the classroom is quiet? I refuse to continue to lose myself in what is "correct" for others. Perhaps, this has all happened because I share a classroom and that other person is such a "straight arrow". All I know is that I am sick and tired of letting other people's negativity and petty insecurities affect me and my life. We are each our own person and unique, how dare someone strive to change another person for the worse?

Winter Break...

It is 11:30 p.m. and as I sit here on my couch, lavishing in my vacation, my thoughts seemingly drifted towards work. A job as an educator seems to be a huge responsibility for the person standing in the front of the classroom. As I type this statement the realization hit me that our students do not see us as people, they see us as aliens. We are completely foreign to them. We do not use the restroom, we do not drive or drink tea, we definitely do not eat, and God forbid they see us walking around a mall being 'normal.' Teachers are foreign, mysterious, and sometimes the bane of their existence. Most educators try to desperately connect with their students in order to humanize the relationship we conduct. Others 'get off' on the idea of being the dictator, telling them what to do and how to do it. These educators know that they will listen.

I am enjoying my vacation from my life of acting, teaching, and learning. Let's face it, in front of the class we put on a happy face, act as if everything is great and divulge a world of knowledge. In my classroom the students are invited into this wonderful world of learning, but to be engaging all of the time is exhausting! It is wonderful to know that I am getting across and the students are enjoying the process, yet a break seems to be refreshing. I find myself more and more tired day after day and I know that this is not how I want to be forever.

During my break I was given a cake order for a surprise birthday party and it was amazing to immerse myself into this passion. I haven't had a cake order in a long time and it was refreshing not to be putting on a show in front of wide-eyed students. I wish vacation lasted forever.. sadly it won't and I will continue my life teaching and putting on an entertaining and enlightening show. In the meantime, let's continue the vacation and enjoy the beautiful beaches of Playa del Carmen.

Culture...

Today is the eve of the 25th day of Kislev. This all translates to the beginning of Hanukkah at sundown! Why is this important? Teaching at a Catholic junior high school and being the religion teacher, this is not something I would be expected to know or teach. However, I feel it is extremely important to teach my religion students tolerance. Many of them this year are of Jewish faith and it has been very uncomfortable to have to learn about Catholic traditions. Some have been resistant and upset about having to be in a Catholic religion class. The others have been open and then I have the ones that are in between feelings.

Since September I have been trying to teach them tolerance and respect for other beliefs. Today was the day I chose to teach my Catholic or Christian students tolerance of the Jewish faith. Today my Jewish students felt at home in my class. It was great for them to be the teachers! They had so much knowledge to impart and their classmates were in aw! It would be a wonderful place if we could all take the time to teach our students tolerance!

Crunch time...

This is the time when the temperature gets cooler, the kids are sleepier, and everyone is antsy for Christmas break. Fighting against all of the external forces can be difficult. Trying to motivate the students is harder and making the material jump out and speak to them becomes nearly impossible. Today, I found myself giving them the majority of the period to work on their English project. They were happy and I was bored. I feel that sometimes they need a break from the monotony of everyday school, but I find that the students are becoming increasingly unmotivated as my teaching experience grows. It leaves me wondering what children will be like 10 years from now. Will they simply expect a lot of periods to work on projects? Will they be more dependent and complain more often? How can we reverse the effect the world is having on our children?

Observations...

I often observe one of my colleagues teach. One day I watched on from the back of the classroom as she was teaching a group of 7th graders. She stood in front of the class dumping information in, and the students would politely nod when she asked if they understood. She has never taken the time to learn anything about them and this works for her, but the students feel and show disconnect with her. It saddened me to think that when they thought of their 7th grade English class years later they were going to have this impression engrained in their minds forever. In some way she has adopted the bureaucratic mindset on teaching and it will be very hard to change. I wonder if she can change?

Waiting to begin...

I am sitting in the Arclight theater bar after a long day of grading papers. I began discussing the quality of their work with my husband and began to realize that I have set the bar quite high for my students. They often say that I am drift yet enjoyable, and they do not mind rising to my expectations. This makes me happy and then I wonder why I am thinking of my students on my day off. I feel that sometimes teaching is a 24/7 job and there is no end. Many of my colleagues grade, lesson plan, and try to develop or find brilliant plans on their days off. We never truly give ourselves a break, which is strange because the kids love time off from us!

Do you give yourself a break from the monotony of your job or is it constantly on your mind? Is teaching the only 24/7 job ?

Laundry day...

I have spent the day at my parent's home doing laundry since the washing machines in our complex charge exorbitant prices, and it is nice to see my folks. In between folding laundry I have been grading my extraordinary stack of papers that have somehow accumulated between parent conferences and Thanksgiving break. As I was making the necessary corrections to a vocabulary assignment (that my students did in class) I noticed that they most of the papers had something in common. They were all ridiculously MESSY! I thought about the consequences for turning in work of that quality when in junior high, and realized that each one of my teachers would have handed such work back and expected it to be re-done. Most of us would have done it without argument, understanding that if we had taken our time we would not have to do it over. As my dad says, "El flojo trabaja doble." Translation, "The lazy person works double."

I then began to think about how compromised I have felt at my current school site. My normal teaching methods are quite strict, yet fun and effective. However, it seems that we are expected to be counselors and mothers. In fact, one of my co-workers has told me that the administration has approached her several times about her lack of maternal instincts. If I were to hand back any of those papers and say to re-do them because their neatness was not up to par, the girls would whine and pout. Even worse the parents would call the administration directly and then I would get reamed (for trying to prepare them for high school and dare I say it, LIFE).

What kind of children are we molding if mediocre work has become the new standard? Our expectations have dropped and the children will only rise as far as they need to. Where has our challenge gone?

Political classrooms...

The political nature of teaching has been the topic of many conversations among my circle of friend. What makes a great teacher? What qualities do they possess? For me, it has always been a clear picture in my head, painted by all the models of good and bad over the years. During student teaching, I encountered a master teacher who was just teaching the kids to pass a test. It was since that moment that I have striven to be more than a facilitator for a test. I want to be the change that I constantly read about. I do not want to be the teacher that categorizes my students based on race or gender and then decided that I cannot "deal" with them in my room any more. My classroom is a safe haven, where any child can rise to the occasion with the proper motivation.

Yet, all of this discussion about gender or race makes me wonder, how did politics find its way into our classrooms?

Keeping order...

As I sit here in my lonely classroom, the day before Thanksgiving I ponder upon the never ending question, "Is it possible to have authority and democracy in a class?"

I have read a lot about authority and how it can soon turn into authoritarianism. On the other hand, the big push lately seems to be democratic classrooms. This notion of democracy in a classroom is great, yet I wonder how most principals feel about this. Do they support this or would they prefer to have teachers that hold sole authority? The principals I have worked with believe in sole authority by the teacher. The principal often says, "Sure! Give them a choice between two well-thought out assignments, but DO NOT let them come up with it on their own." So even if I wanted to give them choice, there really isn't any.

I have found that giving my students options often eases their mind. Of course, I stay within the confines the administration sets for us. As adults we have choice, yet as children we do not (in many life situations). Even though we assume that children do not know how to make positive and correct choices, they do! It is incredible how they can decipher what they want and give well supported answers behind their decision.

So the question remains, do you want to have our children grow up with a sense of what democracy is, or keep them blind and confined until they turn 18?

Being Empathetic...

A week ago, I encountered a student that was hurt by the word "Jew." She is Jewish and found the word to be offensive (and negatively used throughout history). I am one of the theology teachers at the school - in addition to being one of the English teachers - and frequently use the terms "Jews", "Israelites", or "Hebrews" when referring to the Old Testament text in the Bible. Before she pointed this discomfort out I had been aware of the negative tinge this word held. For centuries Jewish people have been disregarded, mistreated, and slandered; however, it took this child to mention her hurt in order to bring up my discomfort. I quickly realized that every time I used this word in class, she became uncomfortable and the classroom environment became slightly unsafe for her. We had a class discussion on how this minor problem could turn into a larger one throughout the year, and the students acknowledged that they didn't even realize what an impact this one word made.

This incident now has me thinking about the immense impact we can have on one person. They can carry your negative or positive influence around for a long time, maybe even a life time. Is it that society has become far more sensitive and politically correct than we used to be? Do teachers practice this 'political correctness' as well?

Who is to blame?

Why is it that we often place the blame on the wrong people? I hear quite often that it is the teacher's fault when a student failed to turn in their work or did not do as well as they would have liked on a quiz. On the other hand, students are blamed for their misbehavior, disruption, and lack of attention. With the constant input of negativity when are we able to process anything positive? While I was reading this week I stumbled across something brilliant and honestly, quite simple! The problem can lie in many different factors. Most commonly, we tend to overlook what is going on in the classroom and how that can affect the individual student. Instead of blaming and pointing fingers perhaps, it is time for educators that run into "brick walls" to start looking within their class and see if the answers will reveal themselves.

First Impressions....

The impressions we make on students the first two weeks of school will live with them for the rest of the year (one of my friends says this every year). What impression did you make? Are you a caring teacher? I can only hope that the impression sent out the first two weeks of school was positive. My students are settled into the routine of my classroom, and they feel confident enough to raise their hand and answer a question on week three. I can only assume that the rapport built last year was strong enough that their relationship with me gives them confidence to attempt and succeed in my class.

What rapport are you building with others?